If You're A Grandparent, You're A Parent Too!

Extract from "Especially Grandparents"
Seattle, Washington . USA

Grandparents are deeply affected by the discovery that a grandchild has a developmental disability. Their reactions resemble the parents - shock, disbelief, anger and sorrow.

Sometimes the feeling of the grandparents reflect those of the parent, making it easier for the generations to communicate and provide support and comfort.

In some cases the grandparents will react differently than the childs mother and father, creating misunderstandings instead of cooperation both want and need so badly in times of family crisis.

For example, if parents have obtained good professional help for their child and have begun the painful process of accepting news about a lifelong disability, they need support as they go through this phase. The grandparents love both the parents and the child, however sometimes they are in different stages of accepting the childs disability, they may live some distance apart and have another view of the child based on limited visits.

It is important to remember that the parents have the closest contact and, ultimately the greatest burden of dealing with the childs needs.

No "rules" can apply to every family situation but the following thoughts are helpful for most grandparents as they look for ways to help their own child deal with their role as a parent.

If my grandchild has special needs, my child, who is that grandchilds mother or father, has special needs, also.

If no one in our family has ever dealt with this disability before, we cannot rely entirely on our own experience in child raising, but must be open to information from doctors, teachers, parents and others who have experience with similar children.

I will treat all of my grandchildren equally and fairly. This means carrying every childs picture in my wallet and always asking how each child is, and bragging about each ones progress when appropriate.

I will remember that the brothers and sisters of my "special" grandchild also needs my time and attention, so they wont resent my concern for the child with the disability.